I had a hard day on Friday

I got a phone call I have been dreading for months…I wasn’t surprised though…

The phone call was important, basically telling me that early next year It’s very likely I will be facing the man who I still have nightmares about 7 years on….

If you have never been in an abusive relationship you can’t understand why such strong, beautiful women (and men) stay with someone who is hurting them and ruining their lives.

And if you have been in an abusive relationship it’s hard to explain to people who haven’t why you stayed for so long…or why you can’t leave.

For me?! He came to me when I was young and hurt (I had just has my heart broken) and from the first moment I met him he started manipulating me. Within a few weeks he managed to turn most of my friends against me so I felt alone…that the only person I had was him…
Within months he managed to interrupt my education and made me quit my job…

He forced me to move in with him…I remember sitting at my parents house crying because I didn’t want to live with him and leave the protection of my family….

When I started living with him is when the violence started….

But by that time I had next to no friends, didn’t have a place at my parents anymore….all I felt I had was him.

I lived with him for about 5 months…..

I tried to commit suicide once…but the abuse for doing something like that wasn’t worth trying and failing again…

I wasn’t allowed to leave his tiny flat without permission and I wasn’t allowed to invite friends or family round. I was made to clean and cook and do everything he said at a moments notice.

People ask what it was that made me leave….he send a picture of his **** to a younger girl I knew…and I decided that was that. It’s stupid really! That something that small made me leave but him physically hurting me didn’t. And no I don’t understand it.

He broke me! After I left he stalked me and threatened to kill me and plenty other things.

The worst thing though!….it still affects me 7 years on…relationships scare me, I still have nightmares about him whenever I’m stresses, I can’t have anyone (including my children) touch my throat without panicking, I doubt my own judgement.