im drowning in grief…
well i am when i find myself doing nothing…its usually when im brusing my teeth before bed, when both boys are asllep in bed and the house is quiet…or when im sitting feeding X and K is playing quietly
thats when it hits me…
im alone my husband has left me
it makes it hard to breath, it makes me cry, it makes me want to shout and scream and curse, it makes me want to hit him, it makes me want to turn back time, it makes me want to run away…
but i can’t so i take deep breaths, i wipe my face and i continue looking after my 2 boys who are now my world
its been a little over 2 weeks now since i caught him smoking weed in the garden at 8am when he was supposed to be looking after K
we fought! as he had broken a promise again, that he lied to me again, as he had brought weed into the house again after swearing on our childrens life he wouldn’t
i told him to beg forgiveness or leave…
he left
i have been a single mum of 2 boys for 17 days now
i hate him for doing this to us, he deliberately was doing things to hurt me so i would tell him to leave and that it would all be my fault…im not saying im totally blameless but i tried, i tried my hardest to keep my marriage together, i forgave him for all the times he lied and broke promises, for all the times he just lay down and went to sleep leaving our 2 year old to play without supervision (who would often end up doing dangerous things) i let him go out with his friends at least twice a week and have him getting in at past 2 am while i was home alone dealing with a colicy/reflux baby who cried and screamed from 9pm – 3am
i tried to fix it and he broke it more and more
so im alone now….im a single mum and im doing ok (i think)
Musings of a Mum of 2 boys 
4 comments
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April 12, 2010 at 11:32 am
Vicki Ramsay
Sweetheart – you seem to have been married to a moody 14-year-old. It will get easier and you are doing GREAT! xx
April 15, 2010 at 5:08 am
SassyWitch
First, huge hugs.
Second, your “husband” never grew up. He apparently has decided that partying is more important than family. Stupid on his part, and most definitely his loss.
It is hard going through a split. I have been there. I was the one who said I wanted out. This was after years of him not being home. He was always with his friends. I was married, but a single mother. He was too busy screwing around. The best advice I can give is one breath at a time and one foot in front of the other. You are strong. You can do this. You are a fighter and survivor.
Enjoy your baby boys. They are so precious, and innocent. Hold on to that. It helps.
April 22, 2010 at 9:06 pm
mrsljhall
Have you 2 blogs or have you changes your blog name? (little witch?). I promise you that you will be fine, I went through the same as you and I am better and stronger person for it. I didn’t believe anyone who told me that at the time, so I know that you won’t believe me either – but that doesn’t matter because you will soon see it for yourself xxxx
April 26, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Heather @notesfromlapland
oh jeez, that’s so hard. not having that person especially at a time like this, some to go to must make it all so much worse. Sorry, this comment isnt making you feel any better, is it? ((hugs)) i wish there was something I could say to make it all better.