its been 4 weeks now since he left! im doing ok the children are doing well and i am better off in almost every way without him. things were getting better.  less arguing and i was getting stuff sorted i have seen a solicitor and started arranging to have the tenancy put in my name and talked about divorce options, i have also talked to a company called child maintenance options* and we had even decided to do a private agreement of payment.

but it all went wrong yesterday…

so yesterday was crap. it started when i called R at 10am and told him that he had to take cat to vet, by 2 he still hadn’t called vet for app so i got annoyed and let him know if he didn’t take responsibility over the cats i would re-home them.
so he makes an app collects the cat and goes to the vet…but cos he is such a stupid lazy wanker he has missed it by 20 mins so he comes back. i suggest to him he stays (it was about 4.30) have dinner and puts the boys to bed.
So he plays with boys as i do housework ect and end up tired and sore. he offers to make dinner and while dinner is cooking he sits on the computer ignoring kids, i ask why…he gets shitty…i back down.

i ask him just before her dishes up dinner if he can hold onto X so i can eat a hot meal, he starts bitching but seemed to say yes.

he then comes in with K’s dinner and his and starts eating.
i ask why and say again that i would like to have a hot dinner for once this week and he starts ranting that i think he doesn’t do anything and that i am constantly bitching that i have to do everything since he left.
i then say to him ‘either calm down or leave’
and he goes completely mental shouting and swearing saying i ruined his life calling me a ‘fucking slut’ among other things
he absolutely terrified the kids and because i was keeping my tone and volume calm and just saying ‘stop shouting or leave please’ he was getting angrier and started throwing things across the room (nothing heavy just some clothes, the change mat and a card for my dad) but really scared the boys and i
so i finally raised my voice because both boys were sobbing and said he had to get out now or i would call the police
after another few mins of him shouting and me repeating myself he finally left

he now has to have someone with him every time he sees the kids next week to stop the arguing or im going to my lawyer.

once he left i called my big brother for some help but he was going out so too busy to help his crying sister calm down her 2 screaming kids, i briefly told him what happened and then called my mum for help…but guess what he is out with R tonight so i feel totally betrayed.
i have also had a lot of abusive msgs from R today and by this evening i was beyond furious!!! and neither R or big brother were taking my calls so i had no outlet for my anger
i don’t get angry…i get annoyed then upset and cry…but i don’t get angry…not until today.
it was so difficult trying to deal with the boys and keeping calm and loving
im calm now i guess just wishing i had someone to call and shout and scream and cry to. I think the worst thing about separation is loosing your ‘go to person’ the one you always go to if you have a problem/success  the person you know will always be there no matter what
well done if you managed to read this and sorry if it doesn’t
make sense im just ranting really 😦