it has started already

daddy is becoming K’s favourite…its daddy this, daddy that, i want daddy, daddy is taking me here, daddy took me there.

daddy can always play when he see’s K…while mummy is doing housework or looking after X…daddy can take K to the park and the farm and museums…while mummy takes them shopping or to the doctors …daddy takes him to buy toys once and it isn’t forgotten…mummy buys toys and games when he is a good boy but that’s forgotten straight away.

i knew it would happen at some point as i am the residential parent…i do the boring things that have to be done and he gets the fun

it’s not fair!! i want to scream and shout and stomp my feet and cry

it’s not fair that a selfish man who is more interested in himself and his new girlfriend gets to be the ‘special parent’

it breaks my already bruised and battered heart

i can’t stay feeling like this…it will effect the boys…they have been handed enough issues to deal with by their ‘oh so wonderful dad’ who thinks shouting and swearing is an acceptable way to communicate…they don’t need a depressed mum too

but i will give myself today to cry and grieve for another change to my little family

tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully a better day.

i am starting divorce proceedings and going to be asking my health visitor to go ahead and arrange the home start visitor…and even think about councelling…as i need more support emotionally…he has taken many of my friends so im alone most of the time…i often feel i have no one to turn to, no one to talk to

i don’t like asking for help…never have…but i think im gonna have to before something breaks