im not a fan of change…i guess not many people are…

when i was 7 my dad left…out of the blue i ended up having panic attacks and nightmares

when i was 9 we moved from the middle of nowhere in Northumberland to Colchester i became very withdrawn and shy

when i was 10 we moved again into my stepdads house with his children and i started suffering from insomnia

basically im really not good with change

so when R left i wasn’t happy

but i think i am finally happy with the change that was forced on me 6 months ago.

when he left i was on autopilot looking after the boys and not thinking more than an hour ahead. i was so exhausted i didn’t even dream

after a couple of months i started thinking…lots and lots of thinking…mainly about the past…what went wrong, when it went wrong and a lot of why is he behaving like this.

recently i have started thinking about the future

im glad my marriage is over…neither of us were happy…it would have been better for all if we were still happy and together and none of all the horrible stuff had never happened but thats never gonna be.

i want a new future…i want to meet someone new…i want to grow and be happy and have fun.

i want to become ‘Kay’ again not just ‘mummy’ or ‘wife’

but for now i am happy being just me and the boys and i look forward to what life is gonna bring me

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