Let me set the picture…7 year old me getting ready for school when my dad gets ready to leave the house. I ask him where he is going and he replies ‘I’m just going into town, I will see you tonight’
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When I got home from school my mum told me and my little sister that he had left and he wasn’t coming back
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I have seen my dad about 20 times since then

This time I’m 16 and I walk in on my boyfriend (who I was madly in love with) telling another girl he loved her and missed her

I took him back, then he dumped me 3 weeks later and started seeing one of my friends.

I’m sitting in my first home away from my parents house (a crappy little bedsit) crying and have a dislocated jaw…my boyfriend at the time had just hit me in the face because I ‘had the cheek to talk during his tv program’
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‘I’m sorry’ he said ‘I will never do it again, I love you!’
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It was my wrist that he dislocated the next time by using it to pull me to the floor.

A White dress, family and friends watching ‘I love you….my love for you will never end…in sickness and in health…I do!!!’
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We are divorcing, his main reason for divorcing me is I ‘got ill and he had to look after me and the boys’
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The first time he lied to me (that I know of) was Xmas eve 05…then again from August/September 07…then continually since then
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He has lost his wife and 2 of his children over it…he has also lost friends
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And I have lost the ability to trust people

I struggle to trust that my friends actually like me and enjoy spending time with me.

I struggled to trust that the lady working in the post office… who offered to take K to the staff toilet for me so I could finish wrapping the gift…wasn’t going to hurt him or steal him away.

I struggle to trust a guy…who really likes me and cares for me and wants to help me in any way he can…is real and honest and isn’t going to hurt us.

I struggle to trust that my solicitor is actually going to help me and the boys.

But the person that I find the most difficult to trust is me
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Am I a good mother?

Am I doing the right thing?

Am I a good friend?
….
….
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Am I going to survive this ?????!

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