So I have tried to write this so many times over the past 2 weeks to try and reflect on the positive and on how happy I feel now but I keep going back to how hard it was then…
So it’s a little after 8pm on the 27th of march and this time last year I had been single for 11 hours.
I was mostly numb and probably in shock. My unhappy world had become infinitely more difficult.
I was suddenly alone with a 3 month old who was breastfeeding every other hour day and night and who had colic from 9pm-3am every night, and a 2 and a half year old who was potty training and who got up for the day before 6am every day….as you can guess I was pretty tired already and the prospect of doing it all alone was more than daunting.
The hard thing about the split wasn’t that I was heart broken loosing him, I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to cope alone with 2 tiny boys, how they would react to the separation, how I would physically cope doing everything by myself…
I struggled before when I had his ‘help’ as I have eds and fibromyalgia….how was I going to survive? How was I going to be a good enough mother?
I begged him to come back in the week after the split…I just didn’t have enough confidence in myself.
Thankfully he refused!!
But with quite a lot of help from my family at times and some fantastic friends (especially my cowgirl) who believed in me and supported me more than they realise….I have managed a whole year by myself!
And dammit! I’m pretty proud!
We have had lots of ups but quite a lot of downs too, We have probably eaten way too many unhealthy freezer meals and got take out too many times. I have cried myself to sleep a few times and been up all night far to many times to count. I have lots all of my pregnancy weight in record time (thanks to stress and weightwatchers) my house hasn’t always been as tidy as I want it too be. I have decorated my bedroom and made it mine. I have (almost) become a breastfeeding peer supporter
The most important thing…
I have happy healthy children and a happy (mostly) healthy me
So you single parents whether you have been single for a week or two or 10+ years be proud of yourself because you do the hardest job in the world (in my opinion)
And you married parents with partners you have to help you get 5 minuets break when your baby has been screaming for 5 hours and your so tired you think your head might implode…think about the single parents you know and offer to give them a break for an hour or so, so they can have a bath or get their hair cut…or maybe even just go to the toilet in peace for the first time that week.
And the last thing I think I need to say is i am happy to be moving forwards single or with a partner…but I believe in me now**
**disclaimer. I don’t believe in me 24/7 I tend to have wobbles…mostly at 4.45am when I havnt slept yet and X won’t go to sleep