You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘seperation’ tag.

it has started already

daddy is becoming K’s favourite…its daddy this, daddy that, i want daddy, daddy is taking me here, daddy took me there.

daddy can always play when he see’s K…while mummy is doing housework or looking after X…daddy can take K to the park and the farm and museums…while mummy takes them shopping or to the doctors …daddy takes him to buy toys once and it isn’t forgotten…mummy buys toys and games when he is a good boy but that’s forgotten straight away.

i knew it would happen at some point as i am the residential parent…i do the boring things that have to be done and he gets the fun

it’s not fair!! i want to scream and shout and stomp my feet and cry

it’s not fair that a selfish man who is more interested in himself and his new girlfriend gets to be the ‘special parent’

it breaks my already bruised and battered heart

i can’t stay feeling like this…it will effect the boys…they have been handed enough issues to deal with by their ‘oh so wonderful dad’ who thinks shouting and swearing is an acceptable way to communicate…they don’t need a depressed mum too

but i will give myself today to cry and grieve for another change to my little family

tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully a better day.

i am starting divorce proceedings and going to be asking my health visitor to go ahead and arrange the home start visitor…and even think about councelling…as i need more support emotionally…he has taken many of my friends so im alone most of the time…i often feel i have no one to turn to, no one to talk to

i don’t like asking for help…never have…but i think im gonna have to before something breaks

kay

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its my 5th wedding anniversary today…and i am alone…and my husband is spending the day with his new girlfriend.

kick in the teeth much…am crying lots today and had to force myself to get out of bed and look after the boys…

i feel so stupidly selfish moping about when i have 2 beautiful boys, that are looking out and they don’t know why

we saved a bottle of champagne to drink on out 5th anniversary…might pour it down the drain…will be pretty symbolic since my marriage went down the drain too

im drowning in grief…

well i am when i find myself doing nothing…its usually when im brusing my teeth before bed, when both boys are asllep in bed and the house is quiet…or when im sitting feeding X and K is playing quietly

thats when it hits me…

im alone                 my husband has left me

it makes it hard to breath, it makes me cry, it makes me want to shout and scream and curse, it makes me want to hit him, it makes me want to turn back time, it makes me want to run away…

but i can’t so i take deep breaths, i wipe my face and i continue looking after my 2 boys who are now my world

its been a little over 2 weeks now since i caught him smoking weed in the garden at 8am when he was supposed to be looking after K

we fought! as he had broken a promise again, that he lied to me again, as he had brought weed into the house again after swearing on our childrens life he wouldn’t

i told him to beg forgiveness or leave…

he left

i have been a single mum of 2 boys for 17 days now

i hate him for doing this to us, he deliberately was doing things to hurt me so i would tell him to leave and that it would all be my fault…im not saying im totally blameless but i tried, i tried my hardest to keep my marriage together, i forgave him for all the times he lied and broke promises, for all the times he just lay down and went to sleep leaving our 2 year old to play without supervision (who would often end up doing dangerous things) i let him go out with his friends at least twice a week and have him getting in at past 2 am while i was home alone dealing with a colicy/reflux baby who cried and screamed from 9pm – 3am

i tried to fix it and he broke it more and more

so im alone now….im a single mum and im doing ok (i think)